Dear September

IT IS OK TO SAY "I NEED A BREAK TO FIGURE THIS OUT"

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I need to get some things off my chest before we start. I was exhausted, fed up, and about to quit. Upon returning from Costa Rica over Labor Day weekend, I finally felt like I had caught my breath. This was the first time in a long time that I had been on a trip where there really wasn't any planning, no commitments, just existing. My body needed it from being on the go daily. Between work and events, I felt as if I was falling apart. My days seemed like they were constantly the same; all you can do is come home and stretch out on your couch because you truly cannot fathom doing anything else. I fell madly in love with being sloth-like; moving slowly or barely moving at all. 

If you read my Dear August Note, you may recall me saying it took me TWO DAMN YEARS to start my website. What I didn't tell you is that the week before I was getting ready to launch I deleted everything. I didn't want to do it. Those feelings of insecurity and fear rushed through my spine to every single part of my body. Am I walking on the right path, typing the right things, or even thinking of the right plan? Yet here I am still typing and still trippin'

When I attended the Woman of Purpose conference  I think God was tapping me on the shoulder the entire time I was sitting in that church.  In my head I was constantly saying slow down I want zero problems Big Fella but He ultimately was laughing at me because slow is not a thing. There was a five minute period that I was in my car alone crying because I could feel God stirring something up. 

Every. Single. Thing. You. Do. Must. Have. An. Intention. Read this. Believe it. Repeat. I don't write about my experiences to be braggadocious. I hope that something I have seen, witnessed or experienced can inspire someone else to accomplish something. Anything. That's my intention and I was reminded of my purpose.

Growing up with two parents that struggled with drug addiction I wasn't always social or had the ability to travel. My mom took off when I was two and my dad was fighting his own demons. We ended up having to move to Indiana when I was in elementary school because my grandmother was constantly getting calls from my babysitters saying that my dad had been gone for a few days, he didn't show up to pick me up from school or at some points they weren't sure where I was. When she stepped in to help care for me it resorted to me living in a bubble because of her fear something would happen. Academically I was great but socially I was hella awkward to say the least. There were very few Black people in both elementary and middle school, I sucked at sports, and I really wasn't allowed to go anywhere outside outside of functions she attended or to be with family. When I got older I just thought if I was overly nice to people and was a good person they would be good to me. Life has a funny way of showing you the false realities in your head by giving you the real. In college I was in a mentally and sometimes physically abusive situation. I still fought with being in simple social settings.  Being Greek added to my fear of people and my awkwardness. At 23 I purchased my passport and left the country. Age 25 I came out of the dark of depression.  I started forcing myself out of my comfort zone and the faux serial socialite was born. At 28 I'm still figuring it out and that's OK.  These are my truths and I'm standing all the way in them. 

It's completely acceptable to put a pause on life when you need to get your purpose in order. If that means socially, financially, or whatever it is to protect your peace do that. At times you need that interruption in your life to listen to what He is trying to tell you. 

Take your break; just don't let the break, break you.  

XO

Brittany B 

Check out this sermon on the pressure of being gifted. It is one of my favorites right now. Click here to head to Youtube

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